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Self-Development,  Letting Go,  Love & Relationships

How To Love Yourself After A Toxic Relationship

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Can’t love yourself after a toxic relationship?

There were times when you feel like relationships with them were real. You remember those sweet moments where you and they were happy with each other. You spend more time with them together.

You remember the times when they took care of you when you weren’t feeling well.
You remember the times when you cuddled and made love with each other.
You remember the times when you felt guarded and protected by them.

You remember the times when they stood & defend you when people disagree with your decisions.
You remember the times when they are trying their best to make you look and feel beautiful.
You remember the times when they would take you by the hand and lead you the way.

Suddenly, your mind became clear about these memories.

The times when they took care of you when you were sick because you two had a fight.
The times when you cuddled and made love with each other after they had expressed their excessive jealousy.
The times when you felt guarded and protected by them more after they had seen people looking at you.
They were very possessive and jealous that you had too many arguments with them.

The times when they stood & defend you when people disagree with your decisions even if these people were your parents and friends. They were expressing how they feel about your relationship with him because they know how toxic it became.

The times when they are trying their best to make you look and feel beautiful turns out they were trying to control you by expressing their disdain for you which made you feel undervalued and worthless.

The times when they would take you by the hand and lead you the way while feeling like you are not yourself. You feel like losing yourself and you don’t know who you are anymore. After months or years of emotionally and mentally manipulated, you are finally free but the painful memories are still there. You feel so emotionally drained and you don’t know how you can love yourself again.

I had been a victim of narcissistic abuse for at least 3 to 5 months. I’m not sure how long it was because you wouldn’t know when you’re in a toxic relationship. It felt like I stayed there for a long time. I wouldn’t say that you can get a toxic relationship from being with a narcissist.

The relationship gets toxic when one is too selfish, controlling and manipulative. They want you all for themselves even if they have to force you to break off relationships with your friends and family. They always keep score of your mistakes in your past relationships. You wouldn’t feel that the relationship is toxic because it seems and feels like it’s normal.

It has been a struggle to love myself each day more than yesterday and even better than the past. Here are 5 ways that I did to love myself again after breaking off from a toxic relationship.

5 Ways To Love Yourself After A Toxic Relationship

1.) Find and get to know yourself better.

When you just got out of a toxic relationship, you might experience a loss of identity. You don’t know who you truly are, your worth and value you have. Spend time to get to know yourself.

Identify your strengths and write down your achievements. Start acknowledging your value and worth. Find out more about your passions and how you can contribute to the world. Besides getting to know about yourself, you also need to accept yourself.

2.) Forgive Yourself.

When you just got out of a toxic relationship, you might blame yourself for what had happened and letting the bad things that happened to you in the past. You must remember that it takes two people to participate in a relationship. You can’t take the blame fully on yourself.

This is the time you have to accept the responsibilities and faults that you had committed during the relationship. Then start to heal your wounds because you deserve to live without the pain from the past.

It takes time for you to heal yourself from the pain especially when that pain is deeper that one can imagine. Forgiving yourself can help improve your relationships more as it will help you feel free and happy towards your partner. It can improve your health both mind and body It lessens your stress and depression. It can also help improve your confidence.

Recommended Post: How To Let Go Of a Grudge

3.) Be kind to yourself.

When you just got out of a toxic relationship, you might think and feel that you don’t deserve to love and be loved. Or you might think and feel like you want to just close yourself off from the world.

You tend to be too hard on yourself. You deserve to be happy. Being kind to yourself can get you back to a place where you cultivate and flourish your love – yourself. You can do self-care activities like DIY spa or meditation to be one and gentle with yourself.

4.) Practice Gratitude.

When you just got out of a toxic relationship, you might feel like you are free but you still feel missing. According to Positive Psychology, gratitude can help us disconnect from toxic & negative emotions. Expressing gratitude can help increase your happiness and health.

Take time to notice the beautiful things such as taking a walk in a park, appreciating the sunrise or sunset, smelling your coffee or smiling more often. Reflect upon the things that you are thankful for so you can experience positive thoughts and emotions. You can also feel more alive, alleviate stress and anxiety or show compassion or kindness to other people.

5.) Take better care of yourself.

When you just got out of a toxic relationship, you might feel that your energy has been depleted. You might even feel that you fully deplete instead of feeling complete. You may even feel that you don’t deserve any care but you do.

It is hard to take better care of yourself when you feel like you lost your worth and feel guilty but you don’t have to do it alone. You can surround yourself with friends and family to get back on your feet again.

FINAL

Remember that it might be hard to let go of a toxic partner but when you do, it only means you are strong enough to cut it off for yourself. However, you might think that is difficult but emotionally detaching yourself from someone who you love can be the most difficult.

There are times that you may miss them. There are times you remember the memories with them. However, you need to remember the number of reasons and memories of why you got out of the relationship.

It takes time and space to heal and love yourself again but it’s worth it. Work through your loss and underlying feelings to undo the past patterns so everything had happened to you before won’t repeat themselves. You should always be the first priority. 

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Eleanor W. is the publisher, writer, blogger and creator behind The Eleanor Journal, the digital platform for stories, thoughts and ideas about personal growth and transformation whose sole mission is to illuminate the path to the lost.

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